do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
