my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
