I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
