If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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