Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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