Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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