i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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