Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
