cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
