she was so not down for the gang bang
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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