i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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