We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
