his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
