Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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