WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
