Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
