Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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