remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
