drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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