dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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