we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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