I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
