I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
