someone threw a dead crab at me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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