I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
