; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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