these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
