You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
