The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
