Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
