Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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