So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
