I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
