so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His nipple licking is glorious
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