I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we made out on top of his cat.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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