then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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