She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
