sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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