this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
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