it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
