Sry I called you an 8
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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