So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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