Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
