remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
