No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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