ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
