just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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