this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
