Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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