They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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