Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
