Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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